How good are you at saying No?
Saying yes is incredibly powerful in taking opportunities, moving forward, creating opportunities and making the life you want. However, how are you supposed to say yes to things you want to do, if there is no time because you have already agreed to all the other things your really don’t want to do, felt obligated to do, or would have felt guilty about saying no to? You can’t!
There are only so many hours in the day, weeks in a year and years in YOUR life.
Many people find saying no very difficult for many reasons, maybe the person making the request is aggressive in their approach, maybe you don’t have the confidence to say no, maybe you feel people won’t like you if you say no, or maybe you feel that your needs are not as important as others. Maybe you had not realised how important saying no is to your happiness?
Either way the result is mostly the same. Feeling frustrated and resentment for spending all of your time doing the things other people want you to do and none of the things that truly make you happy. Leading to a life that is unfulfilling and full of regret. No-one wants that do they? I know this because these are all the elements which people bring to the table in my coaching and it is why I run my Empowering You Day Course, because they are a barrier to people’s true happiness.
So how do you say no?
Make some plans:
The first thing to do is to consider what things you would like to do for yourself, whether it be going shopping, playing golf, a relaxing afternoon in the garden or taking flying lessons!
If you don’t know what you want to do, then there is not much motivation to say no to other things. Once you know how you would like to be spending your time, you have more of a motivation to say no to other things and people. As you start to organise your own activities and life, you give yourself permission to decline other requests which would prevent you from enjoying them.
Decide what you don’t like doing:
If there is something which you find yourself continually doing at the request of others, something which you really don’t want to be doing, identify it. We all like to help those who need it, especially the ones we love. But it is a two way street, or it should be. There are some people in the world who are the opposite of you and I and only consider their needs. These are the people and situations to really look at. We all need a little help every now and again and if it is all one sided, giving giving giving, then you are heading for trouble.
You cannot say no to something unless you have decided that it is not ok or it is something which you do not want to do.
It is your right to say no:
We all have responsibilities in life, such as child care, work, being a loving partner. However, the biggest thing to take from this is that it is your right to say no. This may cause some of you a degree of panic, however, just as it is your right to say no, it is also everyone else right to say no. This may also cause some of you a degree of panic too! When people first start saying no, they can fall into the trap of coming up with all kinds of excuses why, sometimes even fabricating lies to feel better about it and not offend the other. However this is all about confidently saying no and being authentically you, because its important for your wellbeing and sanity! You do not need a reason, the fact you don’t want to is enough.
So What To Do Next?
- Make a list of things you want to do for you.
- Make plans to do these things.
- Make a list of the things you find yourself doing which you don’t want to do.
- When you are faced with a request from someone to do something, spend a moment to feel inside whether you want to do it or not. Then practice saying: ‘I understand this is important to you/something you need help with/something I have done before, but I don’t want to do that on this occasion,’ make your statement clear concise.
I wish you luck in your mission of No and if you would like to know more about my Empowering You Day and how you can learn how to say no, build your confidence and feel more empowered then CLICK HERE
Be bold, be brave and remember you are spectacular.
Wishing you a simply clear life, from Simply Clear Coaching.
Your coach and change agent.